My Testimony

I grew up in a Missionary Baptist Church. For the majority of my life, my maternal grandfather was our pastor. We believe in conviction, repentance, and salvation. This is all between you and the Lord, no one can tell you if you are lost or saved. A common term is “a know so salvation” because you KNOW it. 

There is no certain biological age that one is first convicted or lost, that is between the individual and the Lord. I do not remember the exact age I was lost, however I do remember the first time I went to the alter to pray. I was not lost, but my great grandma Haney (that was her nickname) asked me if I needed to go to the altar and I did because I thought if Haney thinks I need to then I probably do. Conviction did hit at some point and I sought the Lord in earnest, but never fully let go and turned everything over to him. I do remember I would have been in middle school during a revival when I got very close to the Lord, my cousin was there and asked if needed to sing a song. In my heart I knew I needed to sing “I Saw the Light”, instead of saying that I said “The Old Rugged Cross” . Of course nothing happened because I did it of me and not of the Lord. The next night I was very close again and the Lord told me to say “I’m saved” but I felt I couldn’t because I wasn’t saved. I tried singing “I Saw the Light” but again nothing happened. I went several more years, seeking from time to time when the Lord called me, but never getting to that place again. 

I got scared after 9-11 hit that I wouldn’t feel anything again and was afraid I was doomed to a devils Hell. I remember lying in bed at night praying that I would feel something again. The following Spring, March 17, 2002 to be exact, the Lord called me again. It was a Sunday morning, after Sunday School someone stood up and said she thought our preacher (not my grandpa) needed to be ordained and that it needed to be a specific day. That bothered me because growing up in the Church I knew that wasn’t how it was done, but not being a member I couldn’t speak up and say anything. Then another individual stood up and said she needed to join the Church. When this happens, they are given the right hand of Church fellowship handshake, again, I could not participate. That is when conviction hit me so hard that I couldn’t do anything but bow my head at my seat and pray. I told my grandma that I should have been saved a long time ago and that Christy was there. She asked if I wanted Christy (my cousin) and I said yes. She was at her Church about 15 minutes away. This was before everyone had cell phones on them all the time, my Dad did have a bag phone in the truck and tried calling the Church but couldn’t get anyone to answer. He ended up driving to get her. (I found all of this out later) I remember the Church singing a lot, the preacher trying to preach and me saying don’t preach just sing. Songs have always touched me. I’m not sure how long I prayed at one point, I felt like turning and hugging my grandma and telling her I loved her but stubborn me didn’t do it afraid I would hug someone else and not her. Dad and Christy finally made it back to Church. I got up and hugged her when she got there. She said “I can’t save you” and I said “I know, but I wanted you here”. I’m not sure how long after that I continued to pray. My dad was the song leader at the time and started singing “Will the Circle Be Unbroken” I felt in my heart “daddy our circle will be unbroken” before I could doubt or let myself get in the way, I was out of my seat walking to the front of the Church where dad was signing. I hugged him and said “daddy our circle will be unbroken” He picked up and we both almost fell. The conviction and heartache disappeared and was replaced with the sweet peace of salvation. 

It wasn’t the act of telling my dad that our circle would be unbroken but was the act of following the Lord’s will. 

A couple weeks after that we were having a couple nights of services and Church conviction hit. I stood up and said “I need to join the Church and I want my Papa to baptize me” I was baptized by my grandpa in April 2002. I was 20 years old when the Lord saved me. 

At the time of my salvation, my brother and sister-in-law had not been saved. I was in a relationship that I shouldn’t have been in but I couldn't get out of it. The Lord eventually ended that relationship later that Spring. I fully believe that the Lord will fulfill his promise of our Circle being unbroken. My sister-in-law was saved that summer and my brother was saved 4 or 5 years later. I prayed that my future husband would either be saved when we met or would have an opportunity to be saved. I met my husband in 2004, he had been saved as a teenager. As of writing this (March 2024), our circle is unbroken. My brother has one son and I have two daughters. They are all still under the ark of safety and have not been convicted yet. I fully believe that the Lord will continue to fulfill his promise of “our circle being unbroken”.

I’ve wondered a lot over the years if my life would have been different had I been saved as a young child. I have no doubt it would have been. However, those experiences have made me who I am today. I have also seen what a blessing my story is and how it truly shows Gods plan of salvation. “(8)For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: (9) Not of works, lest any man should boast” Ephesians 2:8-9 It is not of us, other than being obedient to his calling.  I have been able to share my story of salvation with others recently when I was asked the difference between Missionary Baptist and Baptist. That is when I was able to see that He is using my testimony and life experiences to reach others.